Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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