kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
