did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
we're making bets on your personal life
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
