i would punch a child for taco bell
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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