Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
