i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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