I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
