Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize