Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
