yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
love makes seman taste better
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
