Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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