First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
