Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize