I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize