So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Randomize
