just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
