thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
