3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
