We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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