Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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