Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
