would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
