just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
