I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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