Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
