I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm always down for nudity.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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