and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
