You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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