The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
