Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
