I didn't shave. On purpose
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
