I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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