I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
