I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
