don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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