I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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