I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
