i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
