Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
We got so high we made milksteak
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
