Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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