i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
