I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
