The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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