hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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