I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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