she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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