My first STD was from a foam party
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
