I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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