I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
