when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
