I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Still dying that you shit outside
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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