your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
