I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
