she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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