I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
