At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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