so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Dear god my vagina.
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