i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
