The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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